When We Decide (who we are)
by SoulWriter101
Summary: "She's kissing him, and he's enjoying it. It's nice to be noticed, to get the kind of attention he's desperately wanted from Kara, but never received." In which Winn changes his mind, comforts Kara, and comes to terms with who he is and where he stands.
**A/N: Hello, lovely people! Welcome to my story! I haven't posted in a while, and never in this fandom, but I was completely frustrated by how out of character Winn was in the last episode. That's how this story started: A fix-it fic, because I refused to believe that Winn would actually make the choices he made. If you want my full rant, I'll post it in the Author's note at the bottom, but for right now, please enjoy the story! And, just so we're clear…**

 **Disclaimer: No, I don't own it. Wait, I have a text! Is it ownership of the show? *Checks* Nope, just my cousin wanting a ride.**

 **Spoilers: 1x14**

At first, he's actually a little bit afraid to move. Even after facing the potential end of the world, the woman is more than a little frightening.

Still, he can't lie to himself. That fades pretty quickly. She's kissing him, and he's enjoying it. It's nice to be _noticed,_ to get the kind of attention he's desperately wanted from Kara, but never received. It's flattering, and whatever her flaws, Cat's new assistant can certainly kiss.

For a moment, he allows himself to get lost in the sensations. Then, she's pulling back, making a threat he's already starting to doubt, (if only a little,) and ignoring his frankly impressive reply.

As soon as the elevator doors close, she's kissing him again, and he's kissing her back. And even if she's just a little too tall, and her frame isn't quite what he wishes, it's easy to pretend.

" _I could throw her into outer space. I dream about that, sometimes."_

He freezes, Kara's voice echoing in his head. He can picture her face if she ever finds out: The hurt, the betrayal, the anger. Guilt hits him like a train, and he can hardly think straight.

The woman kissing him doesn't seem to notice his hesitation, or maybe she does, because she's kissing him a bit more forcefully than before.

" _So what?"_ He asks himself harshly. It's not as if the girl wonder has a right to be hurt by this. She has no right to dictate his love life, not when she's rejected him so clearly.

 _(Is that what you call this, Winn? Love? Because I call it two miserable people trying to escape. You don't mean anything to her. She'd treat anyone who showed her genuine concern the same. )_

He stubbornly ignores the voices in his mind, but they only grow louder.

 _(She wants to ruin Kara's career, wants to become Cat's only assistant. She wants to_ hurt _Kara…And she's succeeding.)_

He desperately wants to pretend it's a lie, wants to stay in this bubble where his kindness helps him get the girl, and he isn't outshone by James Olsen, but he can't. Not now. Not when he knows how much it will hurt Kara.

She may not be his, but he's hers, and he's supposed to be on her side. Kara may not have control of his romances, and by choice, but she's still his friend, and this woman wants to hurt her.

He won't help.

"Stop," he says, quietly but firmly, taking a step back for good measure. She blinks at him in confusion.

"This…" He gestures between them, shaking his head. "This isn't right. This isn't… This isn't what I want."

A flicker of disappointment, and dare he say, hurt, appears in her eyes, and guilt slips through him once more. Turning her down is the right choice, he knows that, but maybe he could have been a bit less blunt.

Before he can explain, her eyes harden, and she straightens, raising one mocking eyebrow.

"No, it isn't, is it? You want a clumsy little girl who will never become more than Cat Grant's coffee fetcher. And you know what the sad thing is?" The elevator dings, and opens. He can hardly believe how fast it's all happened as she steps out, a scowl on her face.

"She'll never want you back." The doors close, and he drops his head back against the wall, not bothering to press a button as his mind races.

"I know," he whispers to the empty room, and he tells himself he doesn't cry.

WINNKARAWINNKARAWINNKARA

He doesn't know where else to go, so he makes his way back to his desk. His home will be too quiet tonight, and he doesn't know how he'll be able to sleep anyway.

It might be minutes or hours that pass before he hears familiar footsteps nearby, growing closer ever second. He swallows hard before raising up to look at her; He doesn't know how he's going to face her indifference, her friendship, tonight. Not when he's had a taste of what he could have if he could just let her go.

However, all thoughts that even resemble bitterness flee his mind as soon as he sees her. Her eyes are red and watery, hands clenched tightly together, face splotchy and wet.

"Kara, what's wrong?" Panic fills him, and he's on his feet and moving toward her before he has a chance to think himself out of it.

She nearly collapses against him, burying her face in his shoulder.

He won't deny that it's nice, having her so close, turning to him for whatever this is instead of Alex, or James, but she's hurting, and that's not okay with him. He needs her to be happy.

"Shhh, Kara, I've got you." She sniffs into his shoulder, and he pulls her closer to him.

Several minutes pass before she draws back, her shaking in his arms, him murmuring in her ear. When she does move, he's admittedly happy that she doesn't go too far.

"It…It was Alex."

"What was Alex?" He asks, a sinking feeling in his stomach. Surely if Kara's sister was hurt… Or worse… She wouldn't be here. Right?

"She killed Astra." Her voice is small and scared, and he desperately wants to hold her again, but he won't push his luck. Instead, he focuses on her words.

"I thought that was Hank."

"So did I. He lied. He lied to me, to protect Alex. He let me _hate_ him, to protect Alex. And…To protect me."

"Kara…"

She cuts him off, and he's a bit relieved. He doesn't have a clue how to reassure or comfort her now.

"And the thing is, you know, I forgive her. Just, as soon as I found out, I forgave her, because she's my sister, and I love her. But I've been treating Hank _so_ horribly all this time, and I don't know how to ever make up for that."

"Kara, you don't have to…" He trails off, before swallowing hard and trying again.

"You don't have to make up for anything. You had every right to be angry at Hank. And," he said, realization dawning on him, "You have every right to be angry with Alex."

Guilt slips into her expression, and he knows he's hit the nail on the head.

"No, I don't! Astra was going to _kill_ Hank! Whatever hopes I had for her, she was going to kill someone I care about! I shouldn't-I shouldn't be angry at _anyone_ who stopped her."

Her eyes are flashing dangerously, as if daring him to contradict, but he just smiles softly. She's stronger than Siobhan, and yes, she could throw her, or him, or anyone else into outer space itself, but she won't. He doesn't fear her.

"And yet, you do. And that's okay. It's normal. Human, even," he adds with a teasing look, and to his relief, she chuckled. It's hoarse and weak, but sincere, and that's what matters.

"Thank you, Winn." She hugs him quickly once more, before stepping back.

"I have to go… James texted me on my way over that he and Lucy broke up, and now he wants to talk. I think I completely ruined their relationship, and I feel horrible. He must hate me."

She doesn't even glance back as she disappears from sight, so she doesn't see the pain he knows is dancing in his eyes.

Still, as he returns to his seat, he can't regret the way the night turned out. Whatever could have happened tonight, he'd never be able to forgive himself if he hadn't been there when she needed him.

And she chose to open up to _him,_ to lean on _him_ for comfort. Maybe she isn't his, but he's hers, and he's done fighting it. If she needs a friend, that's what he'll be, but he won't deny to himself how he truly feels.

He won't let himself get caught up in flirty assistants with tragic backstories, and he won't try to force feelings he doesn't have. He loves Kara, and it's that simple.

He smiles.

 **A/N: So, there it is: My attempt to fix the strange and illogical ending of the episode.**

 **Now, here's my rant: (Feel free to skip it, review or not, and Have a good day! God Bless!)**

 **Still here? Yay!**

 **Siobhan has been nothing but cruel to Kara, and Winn knows it. I don't necessarily expect him to stay away from all girls forever, just because he has feelings for Kara. At least for the moment, those feelings are obviously (as much as it pains me to admit it,) one-sided, and I totally understand him trying to move on. My issue is with the person he chose.**

 **He loves Kara. He's made that pretty clear. Heck, in this same episode, he basically said "Sure, I could help this organization save the** _ **world,**_ **Kara, but if you ask me not to because of your quarrel with the leader of said organization…. Meh… Forget the world. I'll just help you, and we won't be fast enough, but you won't have to wonder if I'm loyal to you or not." Or, to shorten it even more: "I'll let the world blow up if you ask me to do that."**

 **And yet, you expect me to believe that he would choose to move on with a woman that has been nothing but destructive to Kara since she met her? No. I don't buy it.**

 **Anyway, rant over, and if anyone made it through the whole thing? Bravo!**

 **Feel free to rant to me…Or just message me to say hi!**

 **God Bless!**


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